Notes on Authenticity

I keep a running note on my iPhone called “Ideal Marc.” He’s a fictionalised version of myself that I’ve invented and written down. We won’t get into it too much here but he’s the version of myself that I aspire to be closer to and the one that I try to actualise everyday.
One of the notes for ideal Marc is that he is authentic in the way he acts and treats people. And to explain what that means, it helps to start with the opposite.

We can instinctively spot inauthentic people. They’re warm in public and cold in private. Often, they have some ulterior motive aimed at maximising their own personal gain. The interaction feels more like a transaction.

The relationships that have lasted the longest for me didn’t come from anything strategic. They came from moments where I went out of my way to spend time with and help someone simply because I liked them. They weren’t immediately “useful” to me. No quid pro quo. No expectations. And a surprising side effect is that people often show up for you later. Not because you earned a debt, but because trust compounds.

I’ve met many more people I didn’t click with than people I did. When people first meet me, they generally have two extreme reactions:

1. This has to be the oddest person I’ve ever met. Let me move on.
2. This guy is very interesting. Let me stick around.

Those reactions mellow a bit in professional settings, but you get my point. Understanding that you aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea is an important part of being authentic. A few years ago a friend asked me, “Marc, why do you want everyone to like you so much?” I’ve thought about that a lot since then. You can’t be authentic while auditioning for everybody.

At its core, authenticity is alignment. The insides of an authentic person line up with their outsides. What they believe, feel, value, and want on the inside roughly matches what they say and do on the outside. They aren’t performative. They’re not playing a role that clashes with their real self.

Authentic people don’t shrink or reshape themselves just to be palatable. Often, you can feel them quickly. Not because they’re loud, but because they’re coherent. They act from values instead of approval seeking. People naturally filter themselves out based on that.

Authentic people also aren’t afraid to be seen. That comes with vulnerability. It means letting people see your real reactions, your confident approvals and disapprovals, showing excitement without worrying about looking cool, and admitting mistakes without turning it into a courtroom defense.

Maybe the cleanest way I can say it is this: authenticity isn’t a perfectly defined identity you “find.” It’s more like understanding yourself deeply and being willing to be honest with yourself about:

• what you feel in situations, and why
• how you feel about people, and whether that feeling is fair
• what actually matters to you beneath the noise

Being authentic is like wearing clothes that fit your body, not clothes that fit someone else’s taste. And just so you know, I generally feel most like myself in a plain white or plain black t-shirt ;)